When I think of him, its like the world stops for a second. It’s like nothing else matters. There is that part that wants him so much but it hurts to even take two miserable seconds to think about how his day is going or how he is going with his life. It doesn’t matter what I think because it doesn’t make a difference. Did I hurt him as much as he hurt me? He was wearing a different mask and I come to think maybe I was as well. Being together made both of us be different people. Was it for the better? I don’t know what it was. I don’t know how he felt. I don’t even know how I felt. I felt that he meant everything to me. He was scared to show me more than what he was. And secretly so did I. How was I meant to take it. Its been more than a year since we had spoken. Was an apology after that long worth anything. Seeing him only made me hurt more. Just hurts to feel how much I was in love with him and still hung up on him. He didn’t even want to spend more than a half an hour with me. Was it because he realised, he wasn’t missing anything? Or was it because I was never good enough for him. Was it because I love him and he doesn’t love me. Was I even happy before, or was it that I remembered all the good parts of what happened.
Was this what I had been doing to everyone else. It is the worst feeling in the world. Is it normal? He doesn’t make me happy, he just constantly seems to upset me but to upset me in the way that I love him so much that he just keeps disappointing me for not telling me anything, disappointing me because he doesn’t want to talk to me. Maybe he is waiting for me to talk to him but I’m too stubborn. Maybe everything is better when its unsaid. The words that hurt are unsaid.
It’s time to let go, let go and feel better about myself. My friends are what make me happy, make me a better person and be truthfully myself, to be truly accepted. Theres not a point of loving someone who makes me feel like shit about myself.
I loved you and I guess I always will, Goodbye.
"i always think “if people want to talk to me they will” which is my reasoning for never really starting conversations so i’m permanently thinking no one wants to talk but what if they’re sat there thinking the same and it’s just this cycle of silence that never gets broken because i’m too stubborn to just put myself out there
This is actually my life tho.